GRAN SPEAK

AMERICAN IDOL 2012 & CANADA'S GOT TALENT 2012

2012-01-17T15:04:00.000-08:00

Just checked my TV guide and guess what? "American Idol 2012" begins tomorrow night ... 2 hours of what the guide describes as "the good and the bad auditions for a shot at stardom". You know, every year for the past 5 or so when this show rolls around, I've told myself I'm not watching but I'm like a moth drawn to a flame. Those first few shows are a riot. I never cease to be amazed at how many "singers" think they have what it takes, not to mention the singers moms, dads, relatives and friends. And of course, the producers know this is probably the best part of the series, though "best" is the wrong word. Hilarious is more like it. So am I going to tune in? You bet!

And this all comes on the heels of the closing of the YouTube auditions for the first ever, Canadian TV history making show, "Canada's Got Talent". Auditions for that show started back in August (or was it earlier?) 2011 across Canada. After the 12,000 or so live auditions, some 200 - 300 (I believe) were called back to perform live for the actual judges who either sent them on to the next round or buzzed them off the show. Everything's being kept confidential so the general public is still in the dark as to exactly who will compete in the actual live TV show which begins March 4, 2012, but in the meantime, so not to lose momentum and sustain interest, Canada's Got Talent followed the lead of its American counterpart and over the period of about a week, held "last chance" YouTube auditions. Well that last chance to compete is now closed, but the fun has already started for those who have the time to go to YouTube and type, as I did, "Canada's Got Talent last chance auditions" into YT's search box. (See how addicted I am to these shows LOL!)

While looking at the videos on YouTube isn't quite the same as what we'll see on TV, it proves that Canadians of all ages also believe they have what it takes to be stars. It also shows something else: the greatest interest in competing comes from those who sing. There must be 100 times the number of singers to the number of magicians, dancers, ventriloquists, whatever, that have submitted a last chance video in the hopes of being selected as one of the top 20 on which the public will now vote, come January 23rd. And here's the hard part for all the hopefuls: only ONE of those chosen 20 will be selected by the judges to compete in the actual TV show. What are the odds!

What has struck me most in watching this whole process is 2 things:

1) Either competitors hate reading all the important stuff or they're too lazy to go through it all (which, quite frankly, if you want to become the next big thing, reading contracts and offers is crucial to your career and laziness is suicide)

2) There's a lot of stage moms out there who really believe their child is the next Jackie Evancho or Christina Aguilera (when few of the darlings even come close).

In reference to my first point, my heart goes out to the behind-the-scenes people at Canada's Got Talent who patiently replied to the same questions regarding rules and protocol over and over again. Wish I had a buck for every time someone asked how long their video had to be, could it be less than 2 minutes, did they have to sing a song on the list, could it be acapella, how many would be selected, how many would be chosen for show ... on and on. The folks at CGT deserve a medal for patiently repeating the answers each time. They wouldn't have had to do that if contestants just read the rules! The same was true in the earlier live auditions. CGT correspondent, Grahame, must have wanted to scream with the same questions being thrown at him day in and day out.

But it's the second point that really interests me, simply because I can so remember when my daughter, who is a singer, was 8, 9 10 and had her eye set on stardom. She too had a massive voice, remarkable for her age, and was all about power. It wasn't till many years later that she actually learned how to control that power so the sound was beautiful as well as powerful. Looking back now, and after watching some of those YouTube video submissions of youngsters belting out "Hallelujah" or "And I'm telling You" I'm almost glad they didn't have shows like this when my gal was young because, quite frankly, there were times when she was simply shouting, trying her darndest to sing songs that were just too big for her. It was hard to take when I thought she sounded great and someone remarked "yes, she has a great voice but does she have to shout?"

Sadly, I know some of you moms whose child has entered this competition, or the many others that keep coming along aren't going to like me for saying this, but we moms and dads need to be realistic about our childrens' talent, or in some cases, lack of it. Maybe it's just too early to share that talent with the world. Honestly, if you can step back and be objective about it, some of these little ones, cute as they are, sound dreadful. There's too much focus on power and too little on good pitch, good sound and simply good singing of a song that is suited to their age instead of one meant for an adult. Is it fair to raise a youngster's hopes so high at this early stage of their lives?

If there's a Canadian Jackie Evancho in these "last chance" video auditions, it'll be awesome. I haven't seen her in the YouTube submissions online now, but I'm sure looking forward to see who the judges pick for that top 20 for us to vote for. I just hope they're not all singers (which I doubt). After all, American Idol is going to give us months of that! Wonder if the show schedules will overlap ie. will American Idol be on at the same time and night as Canada's Got Talent? If so, I know which one I'll be watching. Variety is the spice of life!

WHEN A BLAST FROM THE PAST is an EYE-OPENER

2011-10-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a blast ... in the present from the past!

It's been over 40 years since we last got together with this particular couple and it was wonderful to relive old times and old memories. It was also one hell of an eye-opener!

Loretto College School was located on Brunswick Ave. Toronto. It has since been totally renovated into a condo building but the Jeffrey Team architects have preserved the "art deco" exterior. The building is now known as the "SchoolHouse Lofts"

Now this girlfriend and I go way back ... to high school in fact. We both attended LORETTO COLLEGE SCHOOL (then colloquially known as "Loretto Brunswick") between the years of 1961 - 1964. We were two of the "Ladies of Loretto" but from what I learned over dinner on Saturday night was that I didn't always live up to that moniker!

Now in all fairness, I do remember some of the slightly outlandish or "naughty" things I did behind the nuns' backs, but I rarely got into trouble (probably because I knew how to cover my tail better than most). But what I didn't know about myself was how this friend and probably others now, perceived me. Apparently, I was outspoken, confident and "in your face"! Who me?! Even my husband was shocked to hear that. He said "Are you talking about the same lady I married?" (Notice, he called me a "lady"). He said I was meek, insecure and scared of just about everything ... not to mention quite naive .. when he met me in my 20's. So where did that cheeky, in your face teenager go when I became an adult? I never saw myself as she described me either!

I said to her maybe she saw me that way because she was the opposite: quiet, lady-like, not the kind to make waves. Oddly enough, it was she who went on to fight tsunamis while the only ripples I make are in my pool! Oh my, how we change as we grow!

But I did have fun pointing out to her something she didn't know about herself ... or didn't see at the time. We were out of high school by then and at university where she met the love of her life. My fondest memory of the two of them is seeing them "entwined" on one of the couches in the College hangout known as "The Coop". They'd cuddle up "entwined" for hours between classes. Funny how neither of them has strong recollections of being "entwined" but the beautiful part is, she says, they are still very much "entwined" today. So lovely to meet up again with another pair of dinosaurs (by today's standards) who like us, are still "entwined" after 40 years. Wonder if when they entwine today if they can easily un-entwine? Don't think hubby and I can. We're too stiff with old age!

Bottom line, this weekend was really good for me. It unleashed a flood of memories and now I'm keen to dig deeper into long forgotten parts of my mind to see what else I can find there. With my friend's encouragement and reminder that it's now time for ME, I'm joining a creative writing class that I hope will open the floodgates I closed so long ago on my past. It's time for GRANSPEAK to speak out like she apparently did when she was a teen ... if indeed that's what I used to do.

By the way, if you come across this blog post and are one of those LADIES OF LORETTO (Brunswick) who attended that Toronto school during the years of 1961 - 1965, I hope you'll "LIKE" our new FACEBOOK PAGE and join us there. It'd be awesome to meet up again with some more "ladies of Loretto" and get totally blasted by our pasts!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY CANADA!

2011-10-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

October is a strange month for me. It's the month that so many sad things have happened in our family's past:

My father died today 11 years ago ... or was it 10? Feeble memory at my age!
My mom died October 16, five years ago
My husband's mom died October 12 over 40 years ago
We gave away our beloved and very old dog Aussie in October 2006

Before you start to think October is a "dead" month for us and that this is going to be a miserable blog (and who needs that?) it's not. Today, Thanksgiving Day in Canada, I celebrate the good things October has brought my family:

In October 2006, my daughter returned from overseas and brought a new member, her partner, into our family. Since then, my basement has sprouted the "Cotton Candy" Recording Studio ... you have to see it to understand ... and music has filled our home with her beautiful voice and his brilliant guitar skills.

In October 2011, we finished renovations on my other daughter's home and got it listed on the market ... but not before THAT daughter managed to put her backside through the kitchen window glass and became the butt (pun intended) of our jokes ... and my poor old hubby fell off the roof and broke 2 ribs! Yeah, we know those weren't funny but I give thanks that the glass was safely removed from daughter's butt, that the window pane wasn't too hard to replace, and that hubby ONLY broke 2 ribs instead of 4 or more!

Early this October, I took the grand-daughter to McDonalds just after I picked her up from school. While we enjoyed our chips and I put on a few more hated pounds (despite learning from the doc that I have a "fatty liver" and that's bad) the grand-daughter made an interesting observation.

She said "Grandma, McDonalds is for old people!" Somewhat taken back I asked what she meant. She said, "Well for one, you're here!" (Thanks hon!) "And two, look around: this place is filled with old people. There's no kids!" As instructed, I looked around. She was right. She was the only kid in sight. The place was filled with gray and white hairs, walking sticks hanging over table ends, and each (the seniors, not the walking sticks) happily helping themselves, as I was, to second free servings of senior coffees. I said to her "Maybe they should have "Happy Meals" for seniors instead of kids. What kind of toy could they include in them?" She suggested a hearing aid so I wouldn't say "Pardon?" when she asked if she could have the last few chips.

As our puppy, Duffy, and I neared our home after our early morning walk today, a family of 4 was unloading fishing gear from their car near our local pond. Just as I passed them, one called out "Happy Thanksgiving!" That was so nice ... and so unexpected from folks I didn't know. It gave me just another thing to be thankful for: the many really nice Canadians out there that I most likely will never meet. But how lucky I am to have met those I have (met).

It's moments like all these that make me happy I'm still around to enjoy yet another Thanksgiving. The weather has been spectacular all week, more like summer than fall. The skies are blue, the trees a mix of red and gold. The grass is still green and needs mowing. And I even got a mosquito bite last night as we enjoyed what was probably the last barby of the year. In short, it's good to be 65, still alive and able to wish all Canadians a HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Have a wonderful day.

Samantha in the Sumac ... gorgeous Canadian child in gorgeous Canadian color!

HOPELESSLY ADDICTED TO TV TALENT SHOWS!

2011-09-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

Holy smoke, TV show producers sure know how to feed an addiction and satisfy a craving don't they! These TV Talent Shows are tripping over themselves keeping us saturated on talent, or in some cases, humorous non-talent.

You know, AMERICAN IDOL seems so long ago already that I've forgotten who won it. Oh, that's right: country boy Scotty! We barely had time to grab a new bag of chips before AMERICA'S GOT TALENT took over our lives and before it ended on Wednesday night, karaoke queens and kings were battling it out on KARAOKE BATTLE USA, which ends tonight. Thankfully, I guess, our addiction for this talent show stuff won't go unsatisfied even long enough to start craving it as COVER ME CANADA kicks off on Sunday, and in the meantime, auditions for CANADA'S GOT TALENT and the 2012 seasons of American Idol and America's Got Talent are already underway. The only one we don't get in Canada is X-Factor but I'm sure it's in our future somewhere along the line.

So are you addicted to these shows too? I must confess that the best part for me is often the bloopers ... the ones who think they have talent and leave us in stitches. And I can't not mention the judges on these shows: they are often as amusing as the wannabes. Just as well 'cause sometimes the shows just drag on too long. I really found that this year with American Idol. But that might be because once viewers voted off my personal favourites, I really didn't care who won. And this year for the first time ever, America's Got Talent dragged on a bit too. It IS my favourite of these shows. It's just so much more interesting to see a variety of talent than listening to singer after singer.

Now I think KARAOKE BATTLE USA has the right format: short and sweet. Only 4 weeks to narrow down 2 winners from 4 different regions. Then one night to whittle 8 contenders down to 4 finalists and now tonight, we find out who wins. Way to go. Might even have a chance to watch CSI or NCIS or CRIMINAL MINDS for a change!

You know one thing really struck me watching Karaoke Battle USA: some of those contestants were absolutely outstanding! They were way more than just karaoke singers. Some of them could rival major artists. Like all the talent shows, and maybe that's what I love about them, they show us just how incredibly talented many of the undiscovered are. It's sad too in a way. So much hoopla is made about today's "divas" and "artists". They're the ones who were lucky enough to be discovered by someone with money and connections and many of them don't compare to the contestants we're seeing on those shows. No wonder we become addicted to these talent shows: it's so nice to see others equally deserving getting a chance to be seen on national TV. Take one of my personal favourites from Karaoke Battle USA: Meredith McHenry. What a sweetie. Fabulous voice and stage presence. She's not in the finals but at least she's gotten exposure she never had singing in some karaoke bar. And that kind of thing leaves you feeling good, doesn't it.

Yep, just like a true addiction, keep feeding us these talent shows so we can feel good for the underdog, the great undiscovered. We relate to these people, both the winners and losers because that's what our own lives are like: win some, lose some. We all have undiscovered talents. Maybe we're a car-detailer like Landau who'd never performed for an audience before this year's America's Got Talent (so happy for him!) or one of those ladies whose parrots talked back at them like nothing we've ever heard before, they bring us great entertainment week after week. And I love 'em!

So now, I'm getting ready to catch the debut of COVER ME CANADA. I'm curious as hell to see which 8 contestants out of the thousands who entered were selected for this show. Most of us poured over the videos contestants posted on YouTube and many were shocked that those we thought would be selected weren't. So just who did make the show?

COVER ME CANADA COMPETITION IS FASCINATING!

2011-07-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

We've all heard about the idol shows, America's Got Talent (my favourite) Xfactor, the Voice ...

But now there's "COVER ME CANADA" being put on by the CBC. The time frame for submissions has been short: just over a month. The purpose is different: to find the best "cover" band, duo or solo artist in Canada. The submission method is via uploading video as opposed to lining up for hours or days waiting to perform in person in front of judges. And of what do contestants have to upload a video? Themselves performing a "cover" of one of 4 popular Canadian based songs i.e. written and/or performed by a Canadian. The prize? Good one! $100,000 and a contract to record one of their own originals (no doubt if you're not a songwriter, one will be written for you!)

If you're hearing about this for the first time, and you're in Canada, you only have 5 days left to submit. Now what I'm finding fascinating, apart from the videos themselves, is how it's obvious folks don't take time to read all the rules. The rules are very specific:

1) your video must be a cover of one of the 4 selected songs .. nothing else!
2) you must have a musical component included ie. musical accompaniment (no acapella) and if you use a backing track, it must be original, not karaoke
3) your individual interpretations are encouraged; they want to hear your "unique rendition".

Well here's where the fun starts: in the first few days, excited contestants rushed to put their submitted videos on YouTube. Had they read all the rules? In some cases, obviously not! There were acapella (unaccompanied) performances; there were songs that weren't on the list; there were accompaniments that were obviously karaoke tracks; and as for "unique renditions", many were karaoke performances that earned viewer comments like "You sound exactly like Alannah" (Myles ... Black Velvet). Not really a compliment when it comes to this particular contest. Fascinating!

That link above will pull up most of the video submissions so far. What is fascinating now is the many, many different interpretations being performed of these 4 songs: Black Velvet (Alannah Myles); Sundown (Gordon Lightfoot); Life is a Highway (Tom Cochrane) and Run to You (Bryan Adams). Some, in my humble opinion, are ghastly. Some are amazing! Some are so far away from the original song that I wonder just what "your unique rendition" means ie. I didn't know that "unique rendition" meant you could re-write the original tune as has been done is this one: http://youtu.be/NSTCyx0Hfus or write a completely new song that incorporates some of the original lyrics from one or more songs, as in this case here: http://youtu.be/AKgQ-teTvH8 This last one has brought in a slew of comments but I must say in reading the band's reply, they have cited one of the FAQ's posted by contest organizers ie.

Can I change the songs and interpret them differently than the original recording?

There is lots of room for your own unique interpretation. There are no rules around melody or lyrics. It's up to you to make the song your own. Be creative!

Well okay then. Maybe this group has got it right and the rest of the contestants will have a hard time beating their originality.

So this contest is shaping up to be an interesting one. The hard part for competitors is only 9 contestants will be selected for the actual TV show. Ouch! Unlike all those other shows where at least 30 or more contestants get their chance to be seen and heard by a huge TV audience before being eliminated, all but 9 of the thousands of contestants will be eliminated before the show airs. That's tough odds. But for those 9 who do make the final cut, well, what an achievement even if they don't win the big prize.

That said, and what makes this particular contest good for artists is that those who have already posted on YouTube are now benefitting from getting exposure even if they don't make the final cut. If they're good, then at least many more people are aware of them now and they didn't have to line up for hours or days and go through weeks of painful eliminations. I found some singers, bands and duos that I think are awesome. I'd never have known about them if they hadn't put their submission up on YouTube. Those who haven't posted won't get that exposure, but then they might just be the "dark horses" in this competition. As I said, "fascinating"!

Here's links to a few videos that intrigued me for different reasons. I'm not saying they are good, great, mediocre or dreadful (though I do have one I feel is exceptional in there ... wonder if you'll pick it!) But they are all interesting. Enjoy watching if you have time. Leave your comments. If you found one you really liked or hated, post the link. Have fun!

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY: http://youtu.be/nJH4_F3IqlU

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY: http://youtu.be/JvBIR5HAB3A

BLACK VELVET: http://youtu.be/C7d8Y_Up5t4

BLACK VELVET: http://youtu.be/WF7wXcix_AQ

BLACK VELVET: http://youtu.be/9i_p96PgXTw

RUN TO YOU: http://youtu.be/WDloIxJWTMk

RUN TO YOU: http://youtu.be/HxhuDZ4R7iM

SUNDOWN: http://youtu.be/7lW2KefezB8

SUNDOWN: http://youtu.be/UaxwKqJlBEQ

And that's all folks!

REFLECTIONS ON 40 YEARS OF WEDDED BLISS (?)

2011-07-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

The way we were, 40 years ago today. Song accompaniment is by AndrewVictoria
Today, July 3, 2011, this 65-year old granny and her nearly 70-year old hubby celebrate 40 years of wedded ... er ... bliss? Is that the right word? It'd be lovely to say it's all been bliss, but come on. Let's get real: sometimes it's been a damn nightmare and sometimes it's been hilarious. But bliss? Save that for greeting cards!
Speaking of cards, this morning we shared one of those hilarious moments: now they say when you've been married for ages, you start looking like each other, a bit like we supposedly also pick pets that look like us (I don't look at all like Duffy ... !) He's cute. See:

But back to this morning. I'm sitting on the puter (as usual). Hubby comes downstairs, doesn't look at me but heads straight into his office. I see his reflection in the glass doors and I know what he's doing: getting my card. So before he comes out with it tucked behind his back, I grab mine and tuck it behind my back. Grinning at each other, we meet in the foyer, do our usual perfunctory kiss and hand each other the cards we both knew we had. Uh-oh! His envelope is the same color and size as mine! Don't tell me ... ! Yes, we got each other the exact same card from the same shop. We open them up and burst out laughing again: though we didn't use the same words, we both said the same thing ie. will we live long enough to make 50 years of wedded "bliss". Talk about being alike. We may not look alike but we sure think alike ... well sometimes.
Had we thought alike over all those years, maybe it would have been wedded bliss ie. no arguments, fights, wondering why we were still together when all our friends had called it quits years before. But then, there's another word that starts with "B" that would have described that scenario: BORING! Could you just imagine a marriage where you both always agreed on everything?
40 years is a long time for anything: jewelry breaks; cars rust out; houses fall into disrepair; teeth decay; knees and backs ache; hearing grows dim; patience wears thin. The only thing that's grown over those years is, in my case, my waistline! That reasonably slim bride (me) in the video above has gained 25 - 30 pounds over those 40 years; annoyingly, hubby's weight is much the same give or take 10 pounds. (How's that work. No fair!) And even today, when we see folks we haven't seen in years, they always say to him "Gees John, except for the gray hairs, you haven't changed at all!" To me, they usually don't say anything at all about my current looks. They wouldn't dare! I'm a woman and they know they'll be damned if they do and damned if they don't say the right thing.
But thick or thin, good and bad, we've stuck it out. We've survived two trans-continent moves: Canada to Australia and back to Canada again (If you need something to really test your marriage, try that!) We've survived giving birth to our own kids when I was past my prime for child-bearing (mid-30's) and becoming almost full-time parents to our grand-daughter in our mid 60's (when we are now both well past our prime)! Like everyone, the rest would fill a book but I doubt I'll live long enough to write it.
Health-wise, will we last another 10 years? Will we get to celebrate 50 years of marriage as today we celebrate 40? And if we do, we will still see each other clearly, hear what each other is saying, remember what we told each other 2 seconds ago and still be able to laugh when we burp, fart or spring a leak as we run for the toilet? Let's hope so. And let's hope, as the saying goes, "The best is yet to come."

The video above is my gift to my husband. He's a born, bred and buttered Aussie who will always call Australia home. In January 2011, we made a return trip to visit "home" after leaving it 19 years ago. The trip was our 40th anniversary gift to each other. Enjoy!

IS IT SUMMER ENNUI, OLD AGE OR JUST ME??!

2011-06-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well if you follow this blog, you must be wondering if I've died and been buried since my last post! It was so far back even I can't remember it. Don't know what it is ... feeling lazy as summer sets in? Boredom? Too much to do and most of it important but of no interest to anyone else? Bet you know that feeling. Or maybe it's because lately I haven't had enough to laugh at and no-one likes negative thinking so no point sharing it.

But I did find something that, well, didn't exactly make me laugh but made me wonder how much weirder can people get. Did you see the article at this link:

http://www.torontosun.com/2011/06/27/poopy-peeper-explains-why-hes-not-a-perv

Read it ... if you can read it without gagging. Seems this weirdo gets off on watching women pee and poo (pardon me if that's offensive but I think everyone is familiar with those words: I think most of us use them with our children and puppies all the time, right?) Now the thing about this guy is WHERE he positions himself to watch ladies doing their necessities: he climbs into a porta-potty!! Yes, you read right!

He was found in the porta potty with a tarp over him, surrounded by the stinking droppings when a woman noticed "movement" in the tank below her. Can you believe this?!

So how was it "down there"?

"It seems terrible, but it didn't actually smell that bad or anything ... "There's bacteria in there, but to me it's just normal ... we all have bodily fluids," he told the station. "I still would have done it even if it smelled a little weird, because where there is muck, there is gold."

The amateur psychologist in me wants to know how does a baby turn into this kind a pervert over the years. What happened to him? What was his childhood like? He's fixated, obviously, on body functions ... other person's functions at that! There are no words to describe this kind of degenerate thinking or actions.

He's been charged with unlawful sexual contact and criminal invasion of privacy. Wonder what kind of punishment he'll get? How about getting 200 women to dump 200 porta potty loads on him with no tarp and no shovel to dig himself out. Ah, but then, he'll probably say what he said when he was asked about all this: he'll be ...

"just seeing all these goddesses," and feel like he is "being blessed by their energy ... "

I suppose in one respect, fertilizer is energizing!

NOWNESS: AGE & BEAUTY: IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER!

2011-05-15T13:48:00.000-07:00

Advanced Style: Age and Beauty on Nowness.com
Now I know I shouldn't laugh, especially at older women and especially since I'm one myself, but I cracked up when I first clicked play on this video. A member of the jewelry group I belong to told us about this one, and judging by the positive comments most members made, I'm the one that needs my head examined and outlook adjusted when it comes to fashion, age and beauty.
Well okay. I admit it: for the most part nowadays, I'm rather dowdy. Heck. I'm retired, work from home selling jewelry as a hobby, and there's no need to dress up when I stare at a computer all day. The folks on the other side of the screen can't see me ... thank heaven. They'd run a mile. And there's only hubby around most of the time and he never even notices what i wear anymore, even when I dress up! I got my hair trimmed recently, breezed past him and asked him "Notice anything different?". He stared and stared and said "Give me a hint. What should I be looking for?"
But now, come to think of it, I wonder what his reaction would be if I dressed up like the ladies in the video? They all look very well heeled and are no doubt at the top of their age group fashion-wise but gees ... I just don't know. Orange eyelashes? Monster round glasses on an old wrinkled face? Beads of all colors draped around their necks. Wonder how long it takes them to dress up like that?!
Of course, they are probably all quite secure with their looks and obviously get a real charge out of having people look (stare?) at them. In fact, they make me think of the younger Goth set with their torn black nylons, black lipstick, black dyed hair and overdone makeup. I've always felt that particular group does this to draw attention to themselves. It's a way of dealing with insecurity about your looks, a way of relating to a group and feeling you belong. So I guess it's okay for the women in the video to do the same. After all, losing our looks as we age isn't really all that good for the psyche. In fact, it can be quite traumatic. I know I don't exactly love that face that looks back at me in the mirror each morning. And I hate that body hidden beneath my housecoat. This old gray mare just ain't what she used to be in more ways than one!
Maybe I should watch the video again. These ladies look like they love themselves a lot more than I do. And for that matter, if I put on green eyelashes, dye my hair orange, drape my neck in jewels, wear red high heels and all that, well then at least maybe my hubby won't ask "What should I be looking for?" the next time I ask him if he notices anything different!
Oh, I just played the video for him and asked him how he'd like me to dress or look like that. He said "Find yourself someone else to take you out to dinner if you do!".

AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT! CANADA'S GOT TALENT TOO ... BUT NO TALENT SHOWS!

2011-04-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Singer/songwriting duo, AndrewVictoria, performs one of their original songs, "Wanna Hear You Say" at Slacks in Toronto, April 2011. Hear and watch more of AndrewVictoria at YouTube

Just saw on Facebook today that my favourite TV talent show, America's Got Talent, will kick off its 2011 show on May 31st. YAY! Can't wait. Love it. Best assortment of talent is on that show. Nice when it's not just all about singing ... even if singing/songwriting is of prime interest to our family.

You know, in watching my daughter follow her musical career dreams for over 20 years now, it's hard to accept that at nearly 29, she might just be considered too old now since the music industry today seems to be all about teens and tweens. Oh the irony! When my girl was 8, 9, 14, 15 and blessed with a huge, amazing voice for her age, industry wasn't interested. We got all the excuses: too young to put on the road; needs to finish school; too young to work in places where alcohol is served; it's dangerous for youngsters in THAT world; too heavy ... needs to lose weight. Etc Etc Etc.
Then suddenly American Idol happened. Weight and looks were secondary to talent! Halleluja! FANTASIA, JENNIFER HUDSON ... big was in as long as they could sing. Now the trend has continued: look at the success ADELE is enjoying ... and deservedly so! She's being recognized for her marvellous voice and excellent songwriting. Her weight isn't the deciding factor. At least one segment of the music industry is undergoing a needed change in outlook.
But will the industry still only look for the young, the very young? Will serious and talented singer/songwriters who have been working at it for years and who have everything it takes, except age, get serious attention from those who can help them make it happen?
See here's the thing: I just did some searching. I looked up that show, X-FACTOR. Check out this link on WIKIPEDIA to see how many countries host an X-FACTOR show. Notice something? No Canada! And of course, CANADIAN IDOL went bye-bye a few years back. Nor do we have CANADA'S GOT TALENT. The US has that one. So does Britain. That's how an "oldie" like Susan Boyle got discovered. Oh lord. Do we have to wait till our girl is that old? I don't have that many years left to wait LOL! By the way, I just caught a clip on a site talking about 12-year-old RONAN on Britain's Got Talent. Will he be the next big winner? Must say, he's good but sheesh, they're getting younger and younger! Will these kids ever grow up to have normal lives or will they end up like Michael Jackson and so many other child stars who "lost it" while they were busily lining their promoter's and marketer's pockets with gold.
Oh I know. Most of us with talented kids want that recognition for our children, whether it be in music, sports, academics or whatever. And the most illuminating part for me in watching all these talent shows is just how much incredible, undiscovered talent is out there and would never be seen if it weren't for these shows. And then, even if they are seen, if they don't win, what happens then?
Well I could go on but blogs shouldn't be this long should they. All this is very much on my mind now as my daughter and her partner prepare for a music industry showcase at the MOD CLUB on May 15, 2011. It's no CANADA'S GOT TALENT, but it's the more traditional way of hoping someone in the industry will like what they see and want to know more. Wish them luck. Better yet, if you're local to Toronto and aren't busy that evening, why not come out and check out all the talent. Several artists/bands to enjoy. But tell the man at the door that you're there for AndrewVictoria who will also be showcasing in Tribeca, New York the day before having recently placed as first runner-up in CLASH OF THE ARTISTS. They'll be performing their own material in both New York and Toronto, but below is their acoustic interpretation of Adele's big hit, "Rolling in the Deep". AndrewVictoria are big Adele fans. Enjoy!

AMERICAN IDOL & ALL THE OTHER DESERVING UNDISCOVERED TALENT OUT THERE

2011-03-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

So it's American Idol night again. I told myself last year that I was done with Idol: when the real superstar didn't win (Adam Lambert), I thought what's the point. So this year, I almost didn't tune in until the talented guitarist who partners with my singer daughter told me Steven Tyler was adding a flavour to the show that's been missing and I really should watch. Well I did ... and I was hooked all over again. I enjoy Steven and even J-Lo. Though she's anything but a great singer, she's pretty astute and not just eye candy.

But what really hooked me was the talent the 3 judges were uncovering now that they had broadened their approach to look for showmanship along with great singing. After all, you can be a great singer and in perfect pitch ... and perfectly boring if you don't own the stage, have charisma and know how to engage the audience. So it was delightful to see them culling the group down to those who fulfilled that criteria and has resulted, without question, with the best crop yet.

Then came last week: I nearly turned off the TV. Except for Thia Megia, Casey (when needing to) and Scotty, they were all shouting or screaming and doing runs ad nauseum. And the more they "ran", screamed and shouted, the more the crowd cheered and the judges praised. I don't get it. The showmanship was there all right, but why did such a talented bunch of singers have to resort to screaming? Really, who wants to attend a 90-minute concert listening to a high-voice diva straining her voice to go higher or longer or runnier? And it wasn't just the girls! I love Jacob Lusk's voice but why did he have to go on and on and so over the top? James Durbin is another Adam Lambert, but Adam knew when enough was enough... well most of the time. Come on kids, give our ears a break. Great singing is about great singing, not screaming, shouting, running. Bah!

This past week I attended my own daughter's show. She and her partner are singer/songwriters and have just released their first EP. To their delight, one of their songs, "IT'S NOT OVER" won first place in monthly SONGWRITER'S UNIVERSE contest. (Yeah, I know, it's not American Idol so big deal right?)

AndrewVictoria, winners of Songwriters Universe contest for March 2011

Born with a huge and beautiful voice, Victoria's been singing since she was 6. She's capable of hitting massive notes, holding them forever, and unlike Naima on Idol who found out she can't sing and dance simultaneously, my girl can, without running out of air, without sounding awful and with no excuses.

My point? Real artists don't make excuses for mistakes. Real singers don't have to scream to be enjoyed. (Think Patsy Cline, Celine Dion). Real entertainers light up the stage because they are lit up within themselves for the simple love of performing.

I really hope that tonight's Idol won't be another assault on my ears. Let's have more real singing like Thia, Casey and Scotty deliver. Let's enjoy their performances and hear their great voices. We know they all have them or they wouldn't have made it this far. Please don't scream, shout and run all over the place. I want to enjoy tonight's show.

Oh, if you're still with me, I have a favour to ask. That daughter of mine and her partner have made the semi-finals in another contest, CLASH OF THE ARTISTS. Amongst other prizes, the winner gets to perform in New York. To win, they need votes ... lots of them ... just like the AI contestants do. If you have a moment, would you mind slipping over to this link:

http://www.artforprogress.org/clash2011/contest_PARTICIPANTSPAGE.php?catID=3&x=32&y=9

and voting for "AndrewVictoria"? Of course, you might like other contestants more. That's fine. But if you like AndrewVictoria, please vote and confirm the email you'll be sent. They won't spam you. And you'll get to hear some of their material, which you can also hear on their website HERE. Thanks so much!

TEXT MESSAGE AT THE CHRISTMAS TABLE & YOU CAN EAT ALONE!

2010-12-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

As we tumble into Christmas around here and I'm desperately trying to keep up with my to-do list, I find myself wondering how the text-messagers are getting things done. They seem to spend all their time tapping away. What is this current insanity ... there's no other name for it ... that has people driving/texting, eating/texting, toilet/texting ... oh don't think they don't take it in there too! Why do they have to stay in touch anytime, all the time? And who are all these people they have to keep texting? And while they're busy staying in touch with so many people in cyber-space, how much time do they have for the people right in their own homes?

In last week's local paper, they had a photo of a bride being walked down the aisle by her dad. He was beaming out at the folks attending the wedding. She was busy looking down at her cell-phone and texting. Over the top? Of course, but the article was making a point: texting is getting out of hand.
Family members walk around with their cell-phones glued to their hands. A child is trying to tell her mommy something and mommy's yelling at the child to wait while she finishes texting! Priorities here? A father is trying to explain something a son asked about and while he answers, junior is texting his friends. In today's paper, a stand-up comedian is retiring after years of making folks laugh because all he sees now is people sitting in the front row texting while he talks. If you want to text, then don't come to the show!

I'm sorry if I sound like a grouch but do any of these texting addicts ever stop to think that they're actually being quite rude, impolite, ignorant ... and honestly, quite boring when it comes to company. If you prefer to spend time on your cell-phone texting others, then stay at home ... alone!

People, it's Christmas. This is the one time, outside of Thanksgiving, that's all about sharing good food, good conversation and quality time with those who really matter: your immediate family and dearest friends. Don't sit there texting while you're waiting for dessert. Put the phone where you can't hear it buzz. Whoever's trying to text you can wait till dinner's over. Maybe they can even wait until you're back home alone. Or if you want to sit and text others all night, then buy your own turkey and eat it alone. With fork in one hand and cell-phone in the other, you'll be great company for yourself.

Well now that I've had my rant, if you have a moment and aren't busy texting everyone, perhaps you'll enjoy my daughter, Victoria Boland, singing "O Holy Night" at a recent Christmas show at Carmens in Hamilton, Ontario. Sadly, her dad didn't realize the little mic on his camcorder was being overloaded, so at some points it gets a bit scratchy. (Maybe one day he'll learn to read instructions first!) But it's still pretty nice. I hope you enjoy it and I wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and all the best for 2011. Thanks for reading my blog. See you next year!

THE MAGIC of CHRISTMAS SONG - VIDEO & FREE MP3!

2010-12-03T18:08:00.000-08:00

I'm keeping this really short as we're all super busy this time of year right? Yes, Christmas is coming up so fast. Why does it always seem so sudden when we've had 11 months to get ready for it?!

Well I'm not going to take up your busy time either but I wanted to share this Christmas video with everyone. I put this together some years back now when a dear songwriter friend of ours, Billy Morgan, asked my singer-daughter, Victoria Boland, to record his song, THE MAGIC of CHRISTMAS for him. I really like this song and think it turned out beautifully. With all the other songs we hear every Christmas, it's nice to find one we haven't heard, isn't it. So I'm sharing it with you now and hope you share it with your loved ones too.

As you'll see while you watch, the photos in the video are to help us think about those celebrating Christmas around the world: those near and dear to us; those who are off fighting for freedom, separated from their families and who'd love to be home with them this Christmas; and those who have left us, but who will never be forgotten and are always with us in our hearts and memories.

If you click on THIS LINK or the one above, it will open a page with an audio player. RIGHT-CLICK on the audio player, and you can download a FREE MP3 of THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS for yourself. Feel free to share it with your friends. Let's spread THE MAGIC of CHRISTMAS to others everywhere. Enjoy!

SHOW ME YOUR PEACOCK - FORGIVE ME FOR SQUAWKING!!

2010-11-04T10:50:00.000-07:00

Above: one of the most beautiful birds we'll ever see: the Peacock

Below: the gal whose latest pop song will permanently alter the beauty of a Peacock

She's Katy Perry, who next to Lady Gaga, currently rules the pop music scene. This pretty girl, raised in a restrictive Christian environment, like that cream squirting from her bra above, appears to be unleashing years of repressed urges in the lyrics of her latest hits. She reads and follows a vastly different bible now:

Katy's Bible writes:

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets

The word, according to Katy, is that this is the "Teenage Dream". Thanks Katy. My 8-year-old grand-daughter listens to pop music all the time. She really needs to know this is what teenagers really want and dream about. Between you and Keshia who's got "plenty of beer" and who brushes her teeth with a "bottle of Jack" (grand-daughter can sing all the words to that one!) what hope do we parents and grand-parents have of telling our kids that there's really more to life than partying and hopping in the sack with every Tom, Dick and Harry.

And now, the latest word according to Katy is that she wants you to show her your "Peacock" ... and no, she's not talking about that beautiful bird above. Her chorus slams us with the same raunchy demand over and over:

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock
I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock

In songwriting, this is called a "hook" and if you're going to have a hit song, you need a strong "hook". I can just hear my grand-daughter running around the house, or worse yet, running around the schoolyard singing "I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock ..." If I tell her not to sing that, she'll ask "What's wrong Grandma? A peacock's just a lovely bird, isn't it?" Sorry honey ... not anymore. The new Katy Perry Bible has changed the definition of the word forever!

Oh, I know, I'll probably cop flack for this post. For everyone who agrees with me, there'll be hundreds who think I'm just old and out of touch. I've been reading reviews and comments on Katy Perry: some call her an enormously talented songwriter. Well yes, her song "Mannequin" has good lyrics and doesn't rely on a grating, insipid, sexually overloaded hook. Others say she's a great singer: hunt down her videos where she performs live, especially earlier ones, and decide for yourself on that one. As one commenter pointed out on one site I found, the "auto-tuned" voice on her recordings is not even close to her real voice. How sadly true. But hey, what does she care? She's making tons of money, for herself and the money makers promoting her. We all know that being a good songwriter or a great singer counts for little nowadays. Patsy Cline wouldn't have a hope in hell nowadays.

My main beef with all this is what it's doing long-term to our children: they are being blasted with sexy videos, crude lyrics and near-naked bodies gyrating on monitors and tv screens at every turn of the knob or click of the mouse. Kids are sponges and they want to look and act like all those starlets and singers they see in magazines and on YouTube. The clothing for 8-year-olds being sold in shops everywhere looks like it belongs on a pop star on stage. Sequins, glitter, fake nails, even bras for 8-year-old who haven't started to sprout yet. Pedophilia is rampant (probably always has been) but dressing up our children like young hussies is just handing the pedophiles our kids on a platter. And when our children listen to songs like "Teenage Dream", "Peacock" "Tic Toc" and scores of others, well, the children too become immune to the dangers around them. It's all so "normal" according to the Pop Star Bibles, isn't it. GRRRR!!

I'll let another lady have the final word on "Peacock". She wrote:

"Just like every other Katy Perry record, great production values, mixed in with trite lyrics, and totally disposable in the junkyard of pop songs of the last ten years."

CAN YOU TUNE OUT ONLINE FOR JUST ONE DAY?

2010-10-31T09:46:00.000-07:00

Stay off FACEBOOK & TWITTER November 1, 2010 and experience just a little of what it feels like to be AUTISTIC. Join COMMUNICATION SHUTDOWN - Donate now!

One of the phenomenons of today has got to be the need to stay in touch ... all the time! I can't get over it. People texting people while they drive, while they sit in restaurants, while they're at concerts, while they're supposedly sharing family time with loved ones.

Gees guys ... can we talk to each other for a change?!

Nor can I understand why everyone just has to have a cell phone with them at all times. In the grocery store, at the mall, strolling the grounds of a festival. God, am I ever old-fashioned! As I was growing up, we called someone on the phone when it was important! Now it's important to check whether you should buy Cindy pink, blue or yellow socks while you're in Walmart. Why didn't you find out before you left for shopping? Yes, I see the use of a cell-phone when you're on the road for hours and the car breaks down. Excellent in emergencies. But honestly!

And of course, there's the net: Facebook. Twitter. Why do we have such a need to tell all to everyone all day, every day? Does anyone, outside of your loved ones, really care? All these friends and "followers" on Twitter: do they really follow? I have a Twitter account but honestly, I never read all those tweets. Who has time for that? One line from the Beatles song always comes to mind when I see what's going on: "Ah ... look at all the lonely people ... " twittering their lives away!

Well what if you were truly unable to communicate: if no matter what you were feeling, you couldn't quite get it out, not by texting or via the cell-phone or on Facebook or Twitter or what have you? That's how it is for those with AUTISM.

Tomorrow, November 1, 2010 is COMMUNICATION SHUTDOWN DAY. This day is designed to spread awareness of what it's like when you don't and can't communicate all day, every day. The organizers are calling on all of us to shutdown communication for one day only. Could you?

Of course, they realize it's impossible to shut down all important communication for one day. So they're not asking that. But they are asking you to show your support by at least staying off Facebook and Twitter for one day. Can YOU do it?

As you can see, I've left my usual tongue-in-cheek humour out of this blog post. That's because Autism isn't funny. It's not something I can laugh about. My singer/songwriter daughter Victoria and I have tried to support the efforts of the CANADIAN NATIONAL AUTISM FOUNDATION now for years. We wrote the AUTISM SONG: DON'T GIVE UP ON ME for that foundation. I'd like to share the video of Victoria performing it live a year or two back. Please listen to the lyrics. I've pasted them below too. And when you've done so, I hope you'll support COMMUNICATION SHUTDOWN Day tomorrow and maybe experience in some small way how it feels to not be able to communicate what's really important to you. Thanks for caring.

LYRICS:

DON'T GIVE UP ON ME (AUTISM SONG)
Verse 1:
It's so hard for me to say "I love you"

The words just don't come out the way they should

And I know you don't believe me, when I'm being so bad

That I'm trying so hard to be good

Pre-chorus:

And at those times when you reach for me

And I push you away

Deep inside I just want you to stay, 'cause...

CHORUS:

You're the light in my dark, the current in my stream

My sun when it's raining and drowning all my dreams

Without you, I can't make it ... so don't give up on me

There's a whole lot of love inside the person you can't see.

Verse 2:

I wish I could say how much I need you

I want to show how much I love your smiling face

But something deep inside keeps holding me back

And I'm lost in my own little space

Prechorus to chorus to bridge:

Forgive me if I'm screaming...I'm desperate to show you

Who I really am, I just wanna know you....'cause

CHORUS to end

Lyrics, music © Viga Boland, Victoria Boland, VIVI MUSIC 2002

MOOD SWINGS, HOT FLASHERS, MENOPAUSE and More!

2010-10-29T10:27:00.000-07:00

When social networking websites like MySpace and Facebook first came into vogue, I was pretty reluctant to jump into them, and even more reluctant to post a photo of myself. All of them wanted me to put up my mugshot. Now I'm long past the days where I want folks to see how beautiful I'm not any longer.

So being rather insecure about my looks both then and now ... forget all the nice things my family says about me ... I know what I see in the mirror ... I liked using that photo above. Don't ask me why but I felt an affinity for that photo the second I saw it i.e. not all that attractive and the mouth constantly in motion. Now how can I NOT relate to that!

But then, I hit a day like today when my sense of humor isn't in gear like that mouth above. Mood swings! I thought I was past mood swings when menopause came and went over 10 years ago. They seemed to pass with the hot flashes ... though I still get those at the most awkward times too. Like the other day: I was having a real hot, fast one (and I'm not talking about a quickie with hubby!) I was on the computer and suddenly this tsunami of a heat wave rose from my tummy to my cheeks. I tore off my t-shirt and was about to pull down my slacks when the damn doorbell rang. Fedex delivering for my daughter. Hot Damn! So there I stand in the living room yanking my pants back up, and trying to turn my discarded t-shirt right way out before he starts banging on the door. Fedex always rings the bells and bangs the door. His timing was terrible but I guess he didn't know there was a hot flasher on the other side of the door!

Well somehow I managed to do it all in time, sign the papers, pay the duties, with sweat pouring off me all the while as I stood on the veranda in bare feet and t-shirt. The temp was only in the teens too. Thank heaven, he wasn't one of the chatty Fedex guys. I couldn't wait for him to go so I could get back inside and yank off the t-shirt again. But as suddenly as it had come, the hot flash had gone and I was freezing in my bare feet. And my funny, positive mood had gone with it.

Some days are just like that, aren't they. And that's when I'm glad I have good friends who use their computers to send me funnies like this one I got this morning:

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART??

HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!

Have a great weekend folks and don't let the ghosts and ghoulies get you down!

MODERN SHOES: FASHIONABLE? COMFORTABLE? ATTRACTIVE? REALLY ...?!

2010-10-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

Photo from the Hamilton Spectator, Oct 23, 2010

These days, I often feel like that shoe on the left: I look old and worn and often feel rather ugly. I also act a bit "over the top" so to speak i.e. young people, my children etc try to stifle their laughter, hide their smirks or rolling disdainful eyes at my suggestions or comments. (I read somewhere way back to expect that from the young as I grow older: the young always think they know more or better, and don't give much credit to the knowledge old people have gained over decades of living.) Their time will come. Pity I won't be around to watch the tables being turned on them. <grin>

But hey, before you think I'm in a grumpy mood today, I'm not. I actually want to talk about one of the positive aspects of growing old i.e. no longer being a slave to fashion trends! And that shoe in the photo has prompted all this. I mean, come on! If that isn't one of the ugliest shoes you've ever seen, then I really deserve to be put out to pasture.

I found this modern "beauty" in an article in today's local paper, The Hamilton Spectator. You can read the full article at that link. These shoes, dear reader, are from designer, Vivienne Westwood and available from Selfridges Shoes in London. According to the article, this place houses 55,000 pairs of shoes in over 4,000 different styles. Now I'll give them credit: I browsed their photos and not all the shoes are as far out as these are. But sheesh! I'm sorry. When I see what they're suggesting women should wear to be trendy and in style, well, again, how glad I am to be old and no longer a slave to fashion! Not to mention the prices of this stuff ... would probably cost me a full month's pension cheque! I'd rather spend that on food and necessities like support hose, panty liners and comfortable shoes with soft inlaid, cushion soles, wide widths with nothing to press on the bunions and corns, and all day comfort!

Oh I know I know...that last image isn't very attractive either is it now. But hey, it's a reality I have to face: I still feel young and with it in my mind and heart, but again, like those silly shoes up top, I look, feel and am quite worn. And not the least reason for that is years of wearing stylish high-heeled shoes on pin thin heels that got jammed in grates, pinched my toes, and often broke right off causing sprained ankles and some nasty falls off buses as I dismounted. Believe me, my legs looked great in those shoes but falling off buses was anything but attractive. I must say though, that way back then, the shoes at least enhanced my natural beauty (cough, cough). Some of those styles today just make even long legs look like table stumps, not to mention what they don't do for short legs! Just picture yourself wearing these Christian Laboutin shoes below:

Shoes by Christian Laboutin available from Selfridges, London for 1576 GBP

if you could afford them of course. They're only 1575 GBP ie.. over $2000 US. I can feel my calves aching just looking at them and see my not-so-lovely anymore legs in them. The ones below from Paila are a bit more affordable. Only 325 GBP but again, would they make your legs look good? Be honest now... ! Apparently, these shoes "take their cue from ice skates". I suppose they might just be a bit more stable than other choices:

Shoes by PAILA, available from Selfridges, London for 325 GBP

Ah, but these designers know that women are slaves to fashion and trends and if a designer's name is attached to something, then you've just gotta have it if you can afford it. Silly thing is, how many times does one wear that expensive, trendy pair of shoes? After all the girlfriends have seen them, oohed and aahed and squealed "I love your shoes!" (even if they don't) they soon get dumped on the pile at the back of your closet never to be worn again. I know. I've been there! Like I said, I'm so glad those days are far behind me. Now it's all about comfort and just being able to take the next step ... and the next one.

I'm going to let my hubby have the last word on this. He just walked in and saw that photo of that last pair of shoes. His comment? "Oh my God .. what is that? A shoe? You're kidding! From what century? Looks like the 12th century. Ugh!"

ADULT COMEDY - REALLY?

2010-10-18T08:17:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, some good friends bought us tickets to attend an "adult comedy night" in their city. Now I don't know what your idea of "adult comedy" is, but I can tell you mine was far from what we got.

Now listen, let me say right at the outset, I'm no prude! I really enjoy a good adult joke and have shared quite a few in my time. So I went to this event, well we all did, expecting to crack up with great jokes and jabs at adult foibles. There's nothing I like better than a good laugh!

Dinner ended and on came the emcee (I suppose that's what he was). Within the first 2 sentences ... no make that within his opening line, out came the "F" word. Well okay. But in the next minute, he shot so many more out of his mouth I felt I'd been hit with a pellet gun. I started to cringe. Everything was "F-in" this and "F-in" that. I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable but I hung in hoping things would improve with the comedians themselves.

My hope was short-lived. The first fellow he introduced had the most annoying, rather high-pitched strident voice I'd ever heard. That was hard enough to listen to. But with him, almost every word was preceded by the "F-word"! Non-stop F this and F that. My ears were burning. I kept waiting for him to say something funny. I couldn't understand what others were laughing at. I stuck my fingers in my ears. I looked at my companions. Neither man was smiling. My husband looked disgusted. And my girlfriend's frowns were getting darker and darker. Thank heaven ... I had company. It wasn't just me who was finding this anything but funny.

Suddenly this "comedian" said something that made me listen. He had singled out one of my companions and was questioning his look of disapproval. Then I heard "...and there's her ... with her fingers stuck in her ears ... yuk yuk yuk!" Oh, so now I was to be the butt of his so-called jokes (Rear-end assault!) I caught his eye and he said "Yes you!" He figured he'd embarrassed me so he started in with the F's again, but this time he got talking about "ducks" (change the vowel ... this blog is rated G) and all the F-in ducks. I stuck my fingers in my ears again. He stopped and singled me out again. He kept telling me to look at him, that he needed eye contact. Oh for a cream pie. I'd give him eye-contact!

He then announced he was really a nice guy. I summoned up my voice: "Prove it!" I challenged him. He went on to tell some lame joke that elicited no ha-has. Since it didn't work, he quickly added on some F's and everyone laughed. I stuck my fingers back in my ears. My companions' looks had changed to boredom. The "comedian" yapped on about ducks and bows (add consonant to bow) and we waited for him to finish hoping things would improve with the next "comedian".

Well, sad to say, after a softer beginning the next one went on to give us more of the same. I couldn't take any more. Neither could my companions. As soon as he was done we picked up our coats and walked out. I'd heard enough F words to last a lifetime and hadn't heard one good adult joke. This was humor??

As we left, someone in charge asked if we'd like our money back. We just wanted to get out of there. He kept saying after all, it was billed as "adult comedy". What did we expect? Well I ask you dear reader: what IS adult comedy? What would you have expected? For me, this wasn't adult. If anything it was juvenile: it was like listening to a bunch of teenaged boys trying to outdo each other to see who could use the F word the most in 10 minutes. It just wasn't funny at all!

My female companion told me on the way home that she once went to the famous "Yuk Yuks". She said it was all like what we'd seen and heard that evening. None of it was "funny" till one act came on. He didn't say a word. He mimed all the way through, his actions hinting and poking fun at adult things. He had the audience in stitches. She had tears of laughter running down her face.

Remember the lyrics to that song that goes "you say it best when you say nothing at all". Someone send that song to those "comedians" and have it delivered by a pie-throwing duck! QUACK!

CLASS NOT ASS!

2010-10-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well I bet that title got your attention! What on earth am I going on about now eh?

Well I'm thinking about an exchange I had with someone about the current music scene ie.. what's hot, what's not, who listens to what and all up, how hard it is for earnest musicians with real talent to make it. Not that that's anything new: it's always been hard for real talent to get recognized and "making it" has always been about having money, connections and luck i.e. being in the right place at the right time. If that weren't so, Susan Boyle wouldn't have gone undiscovered until she was 49! Michael Grimm (2010 winner of America's Got Talent) would have been a star years ago. And as annoying as that show has become, American Idol year after year yields some really talented singers who would never be heard if it weren't for that show. Think Carrie Underwood!

So back to my title: Class not Ass. Since my daughter and her partner have just released their EP (http://www.andrewvictoria.com), naturally, we're all pumped and want to see them make it. The songs are great; the production is excellent; the arrangements are fabulous and, well, yes, I have a right to say it: the vocals are terrific. But is that enough today? Or being today, does it even count? There was a time, think Patsy Cline, when "hits" were all about a great song delivered greatly. But this is 2010! Now it seems to me, it's all about shock: who can shock you most! Rock artists sticking their long tongues out years ago, faces painted like they were on the warpath was shocking enough ... and quite ugly to look at if I may say so. Then came the crotch-grabbbers, deftly holding the mike in one hand while brushing their crotches with the other. That one's persisting longer than the long pink pointed tongue. And of course, we can't forget the girls: pointed silver-cone bras, bared bulging buttocks, shooting whipped cream from tubes stuck to your boobs, getting down and dirrrty in your shorty shorty skirtie ... on and on it goes ...

I know: I'm showing my age while they're showing everything else. Fine. But hey, I find myself saddened that songs are no longer about listening to lyrics that have something more to offer than repeating "G6" a gazillion times in time to a throbbing beat. It's sad that great voices are secondary to a stage full of fireworks, that even a great singer like Carrie Underwood admits she has to keep coming up with stage productions that blow the audience away because just her voice and a great song isn't enough nowadays. Oh for some class and not just ass!

Well it's time for Criminal Minds so I'm outta here. To all those who do like good music, meaningful lyrics, great voices, go take a listen to AndrewVictoria. Easy on the eyes; easy on the ears. Classy! If you're on Facebook, you'll find them there too. Just click HERE.

Enjoy music by AndrewVictoria

SUPPORT CANADIAN TALENT: DISCOVER ONE OF CANADA'S BEST NEW MUSIC DUOS!

2010-10-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

Newsletter design generated with Smilebox

This blog post is short: it's a news announcement. When you've read it, I hope you'll go visit Canada's yet to be discovered, but one of its best new musical duos at the links provided below. Only 5 songs but each one with a reason for being. Check them out and help us spread the word! They have put music and beautiful vocals back into modern music! It's time for a change & this is it!

Personal Website: AndrewVictoria

MySpace Page

Facebook Fan Page

Download their songs at i-Tunes

WILL THAT BE LARGE OR EXTRA LARGE TODAY?

2010-09-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

If you think that title refers to ordering coffee at Tim Hortons or Starbucks, well it doesn't! It's me again doing my thing buying clothes ... or trying to buy them.

I'd dropped the grand-daughter at school in the morning and feeling unusually energetic, I decided to keep on walking ... at a brisk pace I might add ... not because I felt so good but because it was darn cold! So I choofed (is that a word?) along, all the way to Denningers (local yummy deli) about 2 kilometers from the school. Luckily for me, they weren't open yet so I couldn't casually stop in for a coffee and bagel with cream cheese or their fabulous "eggwich" breakfast. Instead of waiting, I trekked the 2k back. Zellers was open so I dropped off my parcels for the Post Office and was about to leave when I noticed one of those signs "Buy one get one at half price." Well no harm in looking I figured. After all, hadn't I just tossed out 5 bags of clothing (see previous post) and enough time had passed for me to get over the trauma I'd suffered trying on all those clothes that no longer fit. Besides, after that walk, I at least "felt" slimmer!

The rack had their new winter line of Alfred Sung sweater dresses. I don't mind Alfred Sung. His models might look like stick insects but he keeps us better-endowed women in mind too. I spotted several pieces I liked but faced a dilemma almost immediately: what size should I try on? I eyeballed a "medium", my usual size for most of my life but something told me the belly would protrude too much in a knit fabric. So I grabbed a large. LARGE! The very word made me cringe. Then I remembered the closet clean-out saga a few weeks back: getting stuck in what was a reasonably large size. Better grab an EXTRA LARGE too. For sure I'd swim in it but that'd make me feel good, right?

WRONG! Once inside the change room I wanted to cry. I didn't get stuck in the LARGE but the belly was just too obvious. Darn! So on went the EXTRA LARGE. Guess what? It looked great. Oh yay! NOT! Yes, it fit fine but gees ... it was an EXTRA LARGE. Alfred, how could you do that to me!

Did I buy it? Well at the price, buy one, get one for half price, I did buy it. But now I have 2 extra large shift dresses hanging in my closet amongst the other large leftovers from my mom. If you think I'm hung-up on my size, you're right. I'm frustrated thinking a nearly 65-year-old who still swims 3-4 kilometers a week and walks as much on alternate days, and who does watch what goes in her mouth (especially the little squares of chocolate I treat myself too), isn't thinking about coffee when she has to choose between large and extra large!

WHEN YOUR GROWN UP KIDS GIVE YOU WHAT FOR!

2010-09-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, let me preface this post with some facts about what's on my mind:

1) the weather was stinking hot and I overheat even in cold

2) I'm a tad overweight so I generally hide my bulging midriff beneath loose-fitting tent dresses ... no sticking out all over for me!

3) I've always despised longer shorts on both sexes. I think they're utterly unflattering to just about all legs, hairy and shaved, male and female.

So, here's what happened: my big tent dress wasn't keeping me cool enough. Everywhere I went, women of all ages were wearing shorts. Even if they were sticking out all over, they looked cooler than I felt. So as I browsed the clearance racks for sports gear I spied some stretchy but nice sport shorts that looked like they wouldn't make me feel like I was wearing a girdle. But they were short, not those ugly mid knee to knee lengths ... meaning, my thighs would show.

Now before I go on, let me point out something: while I carry my excess around my waist and belly, my legs are quite toned and muscular for an old duck of 64, thanks to the fact I swim lengths 2-3 times a week. So fact is, apart from my sense of humour which I really need these days, my legs are one of my better features (when I keep them shaved ... another story for another post!)

So I tried them on. They were super comfy. As long as I wore a loose blouse over the top to hide that belly, they looked quite good. Or so I thought. The price was right too so I bought them. Once home, I put them on and felt so much cooler. Why hadn't I thought of wearing shorts ages ago I asked myself? Probably because I'm too lazy to shave my legs. I got busy with the razor. What a job. I've only shaved my thighs once before. I hate how they prickle in long pants when the stubble comes in. Sorry, I digress ... back to this post.

Well I ran my new look past my younger daughter (28). She approved. Thought they looked great. I asked my hubby if he noticed anything different about my look. He stared and stared at me: up down, down, up and asked "What am I supposed to notice? Did you cut your hair or something?" Men! I give up.

Then it was time to pick up my grand-daughter (7). She noticed right away: "I've never seen you wear shorts before grandma!" She couldn't stop staring. I said "What did you expect I had below that tent dress!" Told her not to answer that!

I drove her over to her mom's, my older daughter (30). She wasn't home from work yet so I parked myself on the sofa and waited. I didn't get up when she came in shortly after and plunked herself tiredly on the other sofa. We chatted about this and that for a few minutes and I got up to go. That's when she looked at me with absolute horror on her face:

"Mom, what are you wearing!" she shrieked. "Oh my God!"

"What ... ?!" I sputtered. "Something wrong?"

"Those shorts! What are you doing wearing something like that?"

"Well it's hot ... " I started "and I didn't think they looked too bad. Nice and cool. At least I shaved my legs!" (That's another of her pet peeves with me). "Why, what should I be wearing? You're always criticizing my tent dresses and now this is no good either?"

"NO Mom ... not at your age! You should be wearing something more age appropriate ... like these!"

She stood up. She was wearing those to the knee shorts I despise! Now she's tall and can get away with it but I still think they look ugly even on her. "These " she said authoritatively "is what women YOUR age wear ... not short shorts! Honestly mom ... that's just so ... wrong!"

Well I didn't let her faze me. "I can't stand those old lady shorts like you're wearing. I'm short and somewhat overweight. I rather wear my tent dresses than those! There's nothing wrong with my legs. My bum cheeks aren't showing. So what's the problem?"

She just shook her head and smiled like a wise old hen, much like I did years and years ago when she was 14 or 15. She was on a grunge binge: she'd begun wearing oversized mens pants that she bought at the local thrift shop. She coupled them with loose mens shirts. She'd looked bloody awful, pardon my language. I pleaded with her not to dress like that. I told her I wouldn't go anywhere with her looking like that. I was mortified every time we ran into another parent. She didn't care how I felt. I knew she was rebelling against parental authority and prayed it would pass. Thank heaven, eventually it did.

I reminded her of that now. "Well now you know how I felt when you were wearing those awful second-hand men's clothes when you were a teen!"

She grinned. "That was fun mom. It was cool!"

I smiled back at her. "Yeah? Well guess what? These are nice and cool too! So you go ahead and wear your granny shorts and I'll stick with mine!"

She shrugged and laughed. "By the way ... " she asked "where'd you buy them? They're really nice!"

Kids!!!

AMERICA'S GOT TALENT: WHO WILL WIN? WHO SHOULD WIN?

2010-09-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight, my favourite TV talent show, America's Got Talent, ends ... and I won't be here to see the crowning moment! I've never missed an episode and this year's final 4 are the best ever. Choosing the "BEST" is near impossible. Are we looking for the most talented? The most novel? The most Vegas-suited?

As the mother of a performer (I'll be at one of her shows tonight) I know the talent, effort and years of work that go into honing your craft as a singer and entertainer. I feel Michael Grimm's anguish: he's needy financially and loaded with talent that should have been discovered years ago. He's been one of my favourites from word go and last night he blew everyone away. But is he too late to win?

Then there's Poppycock. What an act! Can't believe he's been undiscovered al this time. He's talented. He's original. He's novel. He's so Vegas! That's the kind of act one expects to see in Vegas. And then Piers buzzes him on the last night? Sheesh!

Fighting Gravity is all the right things too, especially novel and very suited to Vegas. I was in awe when I first saw them. But over the weeks, and even last night, the act is starting to become same old, same old. Can they do a 90-min Vegas show with this act? I think it's the kind of act you use to open a show, and maybe close it. But can it be more than a headliner or closer? Poppycock on the other hand, well you could build an entire show around him. It would be extravagant, and so Vegas. Mind you, I'm not sure how quickly he could change costumes, makeup between songs LOL!

And of course, there's Jackie Evancho. Magnificent and incredibly talented. She's obviously Piers' choice and if you follow the net chatter, odds are on her to win. Well I adore her too. But come on folks! Why would one put a lovely 10-year old child like that in Vegas?! She really can't do a whole show. It takes years to develop the presence, energy, patter etc one needs to keep an audience rapt between songs. And even more important for Jackie: is Vegas where she belongs? I certainly don't think so. Her stage is the world and she'll need to be nurtured and cared for until she's old enough to care for herself. She shouldn't win if only for that reason.

In my humble opinion after being around talented children and adults a good deal of my life, the 3 adult contenders in AGT are all suited to Vegas. All will need polish to sustain a 90-minute show. It's not just what you do in 2 - 3 minutes: it's what you can offer for 45 - 90 minutes. Bottom line: are you a whole show or just an act in a show?

So who do you think WILL win and who do you think SHOULD win? If you read this, leave a comment please.

GETTING RID OF OLD CLOTHES CAN REALLY WRECK YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

2010-08-25T13:31:00.000-07:00

If you're having a bad day, here's some granny advice: don't start cleaning out your closet to get rid of old clothes!

I did that this past weekend and still haven't quite recovered. My mood was none too good to start with so I decided to get busy doing something other than stare at a computer screen. Getting busy is usually good therapy for me. But this time, it backfired!

For one, the closet was dusty. I began sneezing the minute I started pulling those rags off the hangers. But that was nothing compared to what came next. A lot of the clothing was my mom's. I couldn't quite get rid of it when she passed away 4 years ago (hence the dust ... get it?)

Well mom had some nice things, a lot of it, brand-new, unworn. I began trying on this and that. That's when my mood got worse! Now I always perceived her as being bigger than me ... you know, bigger boobs, bigger belly, bigger butt ... well, guess what! My boobs, belly and butt match hers now. Her stuff fit me fine! That was the last thing I needed: I descended several steps lower into the mosh pit of self-loathing!

I filled up 3 bags, refusing to keep most of her stuff for myself, nice as it was. She was really into floral prints - last thing the incredible hulk here needs to wear! But then came the final blows. Some of my old stuff was hanging in that cupboard ... and not all of it was THAT old. Like maybe a year or two old?

I tugged at pants! Couldn't pull up zippers! My arms wouldn't fit into favourite long-sleeved cotton dresses! The sleeves felt like one of those bands that slowly squeeze your arm to bursting when you're checking your blood-pressure ... you know what I mean? I got some of the stretchy pants and skirts on. And then I turned sideways! If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant. Fat chance ... emphasis on "fat"! My bruised ego was deflating faster than I could think. Into the garbage bag with it all, one piece after another.

In a final desperate effort to salvage just a bit of my self-esteem, I tried on an evening dress I'd worn in an "old people's show" less than 2 years ago. It was black velvet on the bottom with a nice sparkly top. I remembered all the compliments I'd received about how lovely I looked and I had felt attractive for an old girl. That's me wearing it in the photo on the left. I'm the one mercifully slightly hidden by the fellow in the middle. (His lovely dancer wife on the right still had the figure of a young woman!)

Now this is where I hit bottom! I pulled the dress over my head and as I tugged to get it over those mammoth boobs, I got stuck! I couldn't pull it down and I couldn't pull it off!
So there I am standing in the closet with this dress half on and half off. I didn't know whether to scream or cry. How had I come to this in just 2 years!

In the end, I had to get the hubby to help. Of course, he thought it was hilarious. When he saw I was REALLY upset, he said nice things like "you still look good to me old girl ... " and all that. But it didn't really help. All I could think about was that girl whose 36B's that all the men whistled at years ago were now 40D's and sagging like over-ripe cantaloupes above a watermelon belly! Where had that other girl gone?

So much for down-sizing my closet! The only thing that got downsized was my self-esteem. As for my bad mood, up-sized like the rest of me!

THE HUMAN MAGNET: BRENDA ALLISON - ENVIABLE?

2010-08-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

So listen up: they say there's only 2 certainties in life, death and taxes ... and that's true. But here's another one: the older you get the more you realize how little you know!

Now here's me always telling the grand-daughter to listen to grandma 'cause she knows more than you do. So then she tells everyone "Grandma knows everything!". (Me and my big mouth!) Well I don't know everything and this story I just read proves it.

Seems there's this 50-year-old mom in London, Brenda Allison, who is a real live, walking, talking magnet! No kidding. She attracts metals to her like I attract mosquitoes or steak attacts flies. Now here's the thing: her magnetism (and we ain't talking charisma here) attracts coins, pins, spanners wherever she goes.

"Her highly-charged body can also blow light bulbs, trigger car alarms and knock out shop tills."

She can set off her kid's battery-operated toys and make televisions flicker. Cripe! When stuff gets stuck to her, she looks like my fridge door! Only thing missing is the grand-daughter's drawings being held up by the magnets! (Photo credit to the Toronto Sun)

Okay, so now I've seen everything right? Hardly! Wonder what I'll see, read or hear tomorrow. See, like I tell the grand-daughter, you're never too old to learn and one of the nice things about being old, like me, is I don't have to sit in school all day to learn new stuff. Ah ... there are some benefits to old age after all, like getting senior coffee at McDonalds for 50 cents ... or 2 cents off caramel macaroons (see previous post!)

But thinking again about Brenda, honestly, I hope I never sit beside her on a plane. I hate to think what she might do to the engines or radar or what have you. Well maybe her magnetism isn't THAT strong. But what if she attracts the metal fillings in my teeth or the underwires in my bra or the non-gold earrings in my ears? Big OUCH!

By the way, slip over to that link and read the comments. I love this one:

"I PERHAPS HAVEN'T ENOUGH IRON IN MY BLOOD, CUS I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO HER IN THE LEAST!"

SUPERMARKET MACAROON MACARENA

2010-08-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

If that title has you puzzled, all will be clear shortly. And when you're done reading, take some time of out of your busy day to watch the "macarena" video below. It's a tad long and not always clear, but talk about funny! Watch for the couple taking communion on their wedding day ... and don't miss the bear dragging its stomach on the snow (that's me!) But first, about that supermarket macaroon macarena ...

I danced it this morning. No, not as part of a wake-up, shake-up exercise. I had to deposit some cheques. I do that at the ATM conveniently located in my local supermarket.

So I walk through the supermarket doors. To get to the ATM, you turn right. To get to the bakery, you turn left. Now it's 9am and I haven't had breakfast. I know I shouldn't but I peek to the left (press play on "macarena"). I see free samples on the top of a counter. No girl, don't do it. So I turn right (oooh macarena). I stop. Move forward one step. Turn left and look again. (yeah macarena!) No!

I turn right and take 2 steps to the right. Eyes front. I stop. Look over my shoulder. (Jump Macarena!) I turn right around and saunter casually to the bakery department. Macaroons. Oh no! I love them. I reach for one. Stop. Turn around. (Macarena!) I start to walk away and then damn. No way. I'm hungry. Macaroons. Caramel macaroons yet. To hell with it. Grab it. Macaroon Macarena!

Oh they were so good I had to ask where they were so I could buy some. Well, apparently they weren't for sale. They'd come in by accident so they were getting rid of them. Well hey. How many boxes do you have? They just had 2 packages and said they'd sell me one at a discount. Score! The girl in the baker's cap gets a sticker, puts it on the package and I macarena over to that ATM at last. I then decide to look at what kind of discount I got. Ready? 2 cents! Regular $3.99. Now $3.97! Oooh Macarena!

Enjoy the video. Only thing missing is me doing the "Macaroon Macarena"!

WHEN MANUFACTURER'S INSTRUCTIONS DON'T WORK!

2010-08-19T13:20:00.000-07:00

So, here I am again ... twice in one day. Not bad after not being here at all in the past week. I'm here because I was busy setting up this blog with all it's widgets and gadgets and suddenly realized I was starving! I went to the kitchen to make a tea and found the tea I'd made 2 hours ago! It was sitting on the counter, pitch black, looking like tar. Darn! I'd done it again. I do that all the time. In fact, it's not unusual for me to open the microwave and to make a new cuppa and find another cold one in there. But that's another story.

So I make my new tea and look for something quick to eat. I find some Schneider's little meat pies in the freezer .. the ones you can cook in the microwave ... or so the instructions say. So I read the instructions, stick the pie on a piece of paper towel on the plate, hit 2.30 minutes and walk away to add some milk to my tea.

Suddenly something smells hot. The microwave's still going. Oooops! Did I hit the wrong time or something? I open the door and there's the pie, swollen to the point of exploding. I turn my face away and poke it with a fork. Voila. It didn't blow in my face. But ... inside ... well the meat looks like rabbit droppings: hard, black pebbles! The pastry is rock-like. Who's supposed to eat this?!

I check the instructions again. Yep. There it is. "Put in microwave for 2 - 2 1/2 minutes on .... MEDIUM!". Ooops! I put in on high! Well so okay... they were right but I didn't read right. That's the trouble with being a busy grandma. Trying to do too much on an empty stomach.

Oh well. Maybe there's a hidden message in all that: I'm too fat anyway. I shouldn't be eating pies I guess ...

WELCOME to GRANSPEAK: FOR GRANDPARENTS WHO SPEAK THEIR MINDS!

2010-08-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, let's kick off this blog in earnest. I set it up a week ago and couldn't think of a thing to say. Now that's what I call a great start!

Given I have the gift of the gab and most of my family is happy when I get laryngytis, it's incongruous that when I have the opportunity to speak via a blog, where it doesn't really matter if you like what I say, or tune out, or whatever, that I suddenly hit writer's block. Now of course, it might just be that I write too many other blogs, run several websites, have 2 online jewelry shops that take up a lot of my time, along with a 7-year-old grand-daughter around whom I have to schedule all my activities, that I'm just overloaded. Yes, that's it. Has to be. Well it'll do as an excuse for taking a week to get going.

But I'm going to keep this short as I have too much to do today. A dear friend just sent me this gem below and I just have to share it. I can relate to it big time. I think someone looked into my crystal ball and saw my future. If they saw yours there too, let's hook up in this blog and keep tabs on each other. It may be the only way we remember to write something here!

And one last thing: I sure hope the lady in the photo below isn't your mom or grandma. If she is, sorry my dear. Someone's been sending this photo of you all over the net and now you're famous in my blog!

No Sunday Paper:

This is dedicated to all of the seniors, to all of you who know seniors,

and to all of you who will become seniors ...

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"

The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was quite and long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,

"Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church today!"